Defeating negative self-talk is one of the most important aspects of overcoming anxiety. Although self-talk becomes automatic, it can become controlled. People who overcome anxiety are the ones who use self-talk to their advantage instead of letting it increase their anxiety.

Often, you don’t even notice self-talk because it is both automatic and subtle. With self-talk, one short word or image can contain much more in the form of thoughts, memories and associations. Although your self-talk is usually irrational, because it takes place quickly you often accept it as the truth. Self-talk can lead to avoidance. If you worry about what will happen during a job interview, you might not seek out new employment opportunities. Fortunately, negative self-talk is a bad habit and with a little time and effort, it can be broken.

The first thing you must do is slow down your self-talk. When it happens too quickly, you don’t have a chance to correct the negative self-talk. Once you slow down your self-talk, you’ll be able to unravel all its implications. When you think “oh no” or “this is terrible”–what thoughts are you actually thinking? Take the time to list the distinct thoughts that you may have from one phrase or image.

Next, you have to evaluate the truthfulness of your negative self-talk. Write down your negative self-talk. If you are a worrier, your self-talk might be “What if I say something stupid during the meeting?” A perfectionist might think, “I have to make a 100% on this test or I’m a disappointment.”

To evaluate your self-talk, you need to ask yourself some questions. What is the evidence for your negative belief? Is it always true and has it been true in the past? How likely is it to really happen? What is the worst that could happen, and what is so bad about that?

Once you evaluate your negative self-talk, it is time to write positive counterstatements that you can practice in its place. With positive counterstatements, use present tense, first person, avoid negatives, and make them believable. Instead of saying “I am not going to be anxious,” use “I am feeling calm.” If feeling calm isn’t believable to you, consider a counterstatement such as “I may be anxious, but I can still do this.”

Now it is time to make these positive counterstatements into a good habit. Start by reading your list a couple of times a day every day for a few weeks. The more you are exposed to them, the more truthful they will seem. Make copies and put them in places where you can see them throughout the day to help remind you. If you learn better by listening, consider making a recording of yourself reading your list. Listen to it while you are relaxed.

After a month, you will find that you are more aware of the previously automatic negative self-talk. You’ll be able to counter it with positive statements, and you will find your anxiety reduced.